raindrop_symphony (raindrop_symph) wrote,

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18 Roses (14th Rose)

Title: 18 Roses
Park Yoochun and OC
Two diary entries from two people brought together by fate. On one hand, a girl starting a new life in a new city while she reaches for he dreams. On the other hand, a guy healing from the end of a beautiful past. What has fate installed for them?
Set away logic, do what you feel is right.
A/N: I'll leave the details of the 'how' to you imagination...Comments are loved..Betaed by ting5 .

14th Rose

25 September 2008

Dear Diary,

          I woke up this morning and the events of last night replayed in my mind. Yoochun was beside me and he was sleeping like an angel. I touched his face and wished that I could wake up beside him everyday. But as soon as I thought about that, reality hit me like a wave and I realized that what I was wishing for was nearly impossible. Yoochun was still in love with Aya and I know that I don’t stand a chance of replacing her in Yoochun’s heart. He loved her too much and almost married her. If only fate didn’t interfere, Yoochun and Aya would be happily married already. And now, fate’s interfering again. I fell in-love and gave everything to him even if I know that my love would not be reciprocated. People might think that I’m crazy in love but I don’t care. Last night, I followed my heart, which told me one thing—love Yoochun. And I did exactly that. Although I’m torn between remembering and forgetting what happened last night, I can’t and won’t forget it. How could I forget it when last night was the most blissful night of my life? For me, it was an act of love with someone very special and even if it hurts, I don’t regret it.

          With all those thoughts early in the morning, I picked up my clothes, put them on and went back to my apartment immediately. I’m not sure how Yoochun reacted when he woke up to find me gone but I thought it was better for both of us to not see each other after what happened. Besides, I don’t want to hear his explanation yet. The truth was I’m scared of what he has to say to me. What if he tells me that he doesn’t love me? That last night, he was too drunk and wanted to forget the pain of Aya’s death so he decided to turn to me. I don’t want to hear from him that I was just a substitute. No. I can’t accept it just yet. I’d rather live in denial that what happened last night was special for both of us than for Yoochun to utter the words I’m too afraid to hear. For now, I just want to remember that blissful night I shared with him, nothing more nothing less.

          So with a heavy heart, I went to work. I tried to hide my swollen eyes by using sunglasses but then people at work were too observant. I felt their stares on me and I knew they were wondering if I was okay. I acted normal but then my heart felt heavy and I wondered how I was still able to breathe. Was this how it was supposed to be? The pain I’m feeling now was far worse than my past heartaches. Compared to this, those felt like minor injuries and they definitely didn’t help prepared me for this pain I would be experiencing with Yoochun. But then again, every situation is always new and no matter how many experiences you have, you will always be faced by a brand new situation.

          When I walked home this afternoon, I passed by a jewelry shop and remembered what Yoochun said last night as he shared his story with me—Aya died in a jewelry shop robbery. I was curious how jewelry shops looked like so I decided to take a look. I was looking through the jewelries on displayed and most of them were engagement or wedding rings. I spotted a pair of wedding rings that looked so much like the ones Yoochun showed me last night. Then it hit me that this may be where Yoochun and Aya bought their wedding rings and sadly, where Aya had died. I discarded that thought right away, thinking that it was probably just a coincidence. I continued browsing through the displays when I overheard the shopkeeper talking about a robbery that took place in the shop a year ago. He said a woman died when one of the robbers shot her. The shopkeeper even added that the woman was with her fiancée at that time to pick up their wedding rings and it happened a week before their wedding day. I almost cried right then and there. I couldn’t stand staying inside so immediately dashed out of the shop wanting to get home as quickly as possible. But then my tears were already flowing freely from my eyes as I walked into the apartment.

          When I got home, two roses were sitting in front of my door--one looked fresh while the other had signs of withering probably because I wasn’t able to check yesterday and wasn’t aware of it this morning.14 roses. How many roses more before the last one? “Set away logic, do what you feel is right.” Right? What is the right thing to do? I don’t even know the difference between right and wrong anymore. It seemed like loving Yoochun has made me forget these things.

          No matter how I try my best to be positive about everything, I never get to go past trying. The question will still linger and it will always stay there, “Is Yoochun in love with me?” or was I really just a substitute like how I feared. I didn’t get to see Yoochun today and for that I was thankful. But I can’t just avoid him forever. What will become of us now? I want to convince myself that last night was a flicker of hope for us to happen. That last night, Yoochun gave me a chance. But then again, Yoochun was not here to tell me that. I don’t know how he felt about last night, about me. I don’t know what’s inside his mind, his heart. Will I ever know? Or will I continue to be left floating in uncertainty.


Tags: band: dong bang shin ki, completed: 18 roses, pairing: yoochun and oc

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