Pairing: Park Yoochun and OC
Summary: Two diary entries from two people brought together by fate. On one hand, a girl starting a new life in a new city while she reaches for he dreams. On the other hand, a guy healing from the end of a beautiful past. What has fate installed for them?
A/N: I'll leave the details of the 'how' to you imagination...Comments are loved..Betaed by ting5 .
24 September 2008
Alcohol can blur one’s senses. But most people say that words spoken by someone drunk are words spoken by a sober heart. Was I sober then? When I did what I did? When I told her everything that I had kept bottled inside me for more than a year? When I revealed to her every inch of my heart? When I kissed her, was I sober then? And when we made love, was my heart sober? It would have been easy to blame it on the alcohol. It would have been easy if it was just a random girl. But then I can’t blame it on alcohol and it wasn’t any random girl. It was Cherry. And for the first time after one year, I followed what my heart wanted. No, not wanted, but needed. I needed Cherry at that moment. I needed her more than I have needed anyone, probably more than I needed Aya in the past. Would it also mean that I needed Cherry more than just a moment?
When the time comes that someone would read this journal, that person might think that when I made love to Cherry, I was thinking of Aya—that I had imagined and wished she was Aya. But I beg to differ as the whole time, I knew it was Cherry. I knew it was her lips I was kissing, it was her body I was caressing and it was her name I was moaning. And as I look at her sleeping figure on my bed I could not help but wonder if I did the right thing. Was I wrong? I know it was not right that this situation happened the way it did. But does it necessarily mean that when something was not right, it would be wrong? I’m not really sure. But what I do know was that in my heart, it felt right. When I held her, it was as if she molded herself in a way that she fit perfectly into my arms. And when I woke up in the middle of the night and found her snuggled beside me, I couldn’t help myself from thinking how beautiful it would be to wake up beside her everyday.
I’m confused. I seriously am. After tonight, what would become of Cherry and I? What if she regrets what happened to us? What if she realizes that what happened tonight was a mistake? Or perhaps, what if in the long run, I realize that this was a mistake? What if after this, she would expect that there was already a certain commitment between us—a commitment which was I’m not sure I would be able to fulfill. So many what ifs and I can’t even answer any of the questions in my mind. Most of all, I can’t give a final answer to the most important question in my mind and heart, “Do I love her?” Aish. Yes? No? I don’t know.